| Exaggerations, false promises, missed deadlines, missed payments, bait and switch tactics, risk-free claims and free trials...all tactics of cons and liars that stretch truth to become lie.|
You don't have the time or the money to add liars and their lies into day-to-day business activities. You work hard to make the time for honest discussion, negotiation and procurement without the additional frustration of outing liars’ outright lies and other types of deception. Honesty rules in a business environment where trusting and being trusted matters. And, you don't want to do business with those companies out for what they can get any way they can get it.
Consider the slick, professional con artists who cheat people into the millions and billions of dollars depicted in the news. Hear the word “professional” loud and clear, because con artists have honed their lying persona to the highest level they are capable of. Know the huge difference in deportment between con artists and average liars. Con artists trick intelligent people to become gullible and susceptible to their schemes. These slick, polished criminals incorporate both types of lying detailed below to fool their targets.
Think with me here. Consider erasing everything you ever let into your mind and heart about “White Lies - Good Lies” being okay, kind to people, necessary to do. Why?
All relationships are built on trust and lying breaks that trust. Lies deceive and deception hurts. Lies you plant lie like land mines that could blow your character to bits at any time. You've seen scenarios like these play out in the media time and again. From the time I could understand the difference between telling the truth and telling a lie, Mom taught me, “The truth will out.” Pop taught me, “Lies will always come back to bite you in the butt.” Two Actions to Become a Better Lie Detector:
1. Be quick to listen and slow to speak. You already know what you know. How are you going to learn anything new if you talk before you listen?
2. Seek to understand clearly what you heard. Knowing the pros and cons of a decision you're making is well worth your effort.
Forget about believing that you cannot succeed in business without telling lies. And remember how much you value those you depend on, those who serve you, who you can take to the bank everything they say. You know how good that makes you feel. How often do you think or say, “I really trust....”
Now, think about those you associate with...how many have you caught in lies?
Ask Yourself Some Questions
• Who’s lying to you?
• What are they lying to you about?
• When are you being lied to the most?
• Why do you think you are being lied to?
• How have these lies hurt you personally, in business?
Not everyone lies frequently. Some liars work hard to build your trust and then, when you least expect it, they lie when it will really cost you. Be aware that the five percent who lie frequently tell forty percent of the lies told.
The Gallup Organization weighs in with Who’s considered to be the most or least honest? Sorry, no waste management professionals or journalists on the list.
1. 85% - Nurses
2. 58% - Police Officers
3. 52% - Clergy
4. 28% - Bankers
5. 19% - Lawyers
6. 8% - Car Sellers
Science Daily (http://www.ScienceDaily.com) adds light with new research into lying and eye movement. You probably know the system that gives various eye movements meaning: up, down, upper right, upper left, lower right, lower left. Research found that these directed eyes don't have it, that these eye movement claims are unfounded. Even without research as a back-up, you can easily see, if you know the “science of eye movements,” chances are those who would deceive could use them to boost their lie success ratios.
Still, if anyone’s eyes avoid looking at you, that becomes a clear red flag you need to pay attention to. Don’t buy they might be shy without intending to be wise about other signs they may be lying.
Recent research at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, and Harvard Business School divides liars into two types: 1. Traditional Liars - Liars who know what they are saying is not the truth. This is the type of liar who you hear talking who can't seem to shut up. This even has a name, “The Pinocchio Effect,” the more you lie, the more words you use. The researchers found that this type of liar parades before you three giveaway habits:
• Talk More
• Swear More
• Use Third Person More
2. Deceivers by Omission - Lying by deliberately withholding information to cloud, muddy and confuse others about what they are talking about. Here, we have the opposite of “The Pinocchio Effect,” where liars use silence to their advantage, saying little and explaining even less.
In between the talk too much group and the don’t talk enough group you find the truth-tellers. If you are thinking, this is way too general to get your arms around, your radar is working. Extroverts talk more and Introverts tend to talk less, so you need to take personality into consideration. Those of you who have already read my articles discussing three basic personality types: Instinctives, Cerebrals, Emotionals, already know that Instinctives have radar to laser in on liars and that Emotionals talk the most.
Honestly, everyone I interviewed told me they can tell when someone is lying to them. Some said they can tell by the tone of voice. Others say they see it in facial expressions. Many say they can tell by the difference in how they say things, body language, words when they use when they are lying. All well and good - we know people are lied to every day and those lies cost them time, money, stress and big-time distraction to solve the problems the lies cause them.
Here’s the good news: Like everything else you do well, once you learn more methodology and how to troubleshoot, you get better and better at the skill. Even though professional con artists and frequent liars take the time to be good deceivers, your intention to focus to get at the truth can foil their plans. Anna Pavlova said, “To follow, without halt, one aim; there's the secret of success.”
Work to Sleuth Out Body Language Habits—
• Watch Their Physical Expression - Liars tend to take up limited space and have few movements • Avoid Eye Contact - Clever cons and liars know this, but you can tell the look in their eyes, the windows to the soul, is not sincere
• Hands Touch Face, Nose, Ears, Mouth - but not chest and heart
• Mouth and Eyes Don’t Match - Mouth saying something pleasant while the eyes are cold, a turnoff
• Gestures Don’t Match Words - off the normal pace, delayed
• Will Put Objects Between Themselves & Others - They feel uncomfortable facing others without them
Work to Sleuth Out Speaking/Language Habits—
• Tone Changes - Be aware when the voice goes into monotone, to deeper or soft and muted
• Use “Never” or “Would Never,” Instead of “No” to a Question
• Put “That” Before a Person - Example, former President Clinton saying, “I never had sex with that woman.”
• Use “But” or “By the Way” to Minimize What is Said Next
Here are Some Distracting, Shaming Tactics Cons & Liars Use When You Ask Discerning, Decision-Making Questions–
• Why would I lie to you?
• I’m feeling like you don't trust me.
• Why would I do something like that?
• Sounds like you are calling me a liar?
• I thought we were friends, business partners....
Again I say lies disrespect you. Pay attention to what you tell yourself about yourself, about others, about your business that may not be true. Take the time to find out. Respect yourself enough to learn the truth. “The truth will set you free.”